Thursday, February 28, 2008

Dear Customer,
Because you are well over the age of 40, living in a capitalism driven country and it's 2008, I'm gonna have to assume you've bought something at a store before. This assumption leads me to believe that this process is not new to you, as it is pretty much the same in every single store. So, it should come to no surprise to you that PAYMENT will be required at some point in the transaction. So, please, PLEASE, at least give this a passing thought before you get to the front of the line. Please do not start searching in your wallet or purse or pockets AFTER I have finished ringing you up. Frankly, I'm beginning to think the soup nazi had it right all along.

No Coffee for You!
amanda

Dear Customer,
Please be advised: Regular is not a size. At least not here. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to say the ridiculous names - tall, grande and 20 ounce. I agree, those are fairly ridiculous. I will gladly accept small, medium and large. But regular is not a size. It is a type of coffee. So, when you ask for a regular coffee and I ask what size, do not reply with 'Regular.' Clearly, this wasn't enough the first time, it's not going to be enough the second time. You're NOT CUTE. Also, when asked what size, miming the size with your hands will not be acceptable either. That's just dumb. You've had drinks before. You've had coffee before. You know about what size you want. This isn't the movies, if you ask for a large it's not like I'm going to hand you a 64 ounce coffee.
Please learn to function in society,
amanda

Dear Customer,
If you don't know what a drink is, don't pretend you do! You don't have to fake it with me. I won't think less of you if you ask me to explain a drink. I won't treat you like you're stupid. Well, I'll try not to anyway. But please, PLEASE, do not order something if you don't know what it is. If you don't know what a double shot of espresso is, trust me when I say you won't like it. Also, the cappuccino at a coffee shop is vastly different from the one at the gas station. So don't order a cappuccino and come back and complain that it's not sweet. All you have to do is ask! That's it. Not knowing the difference between a Breve and a Caramel Macchiato is nothing to be ashamed of. JUST ASK.
Full of knowledge and ready to impart it,
Amanda