Monday, November 05, 2007

Dear Dental Hygiene Product Industry,
Please tone down the grossness of your ads. I get it: Brushing your teeth is important. Flossing is a necessary evil. Mouthwash will save the very soul of your teeth. I got it. We've all got it. We don't need such gross terms as "plaque-bugs" in our heads forever. Cause eww, gross.

Thanks,
Minty-Fresh amanda

Dear Across The Universe,
Have I told you lately that I love you?

XOXO
amanda

Dear Psuedo-Rocker at Work,
Yes, you have have, in fact, mentioned that you're in a band. Every hour, on the hour, since the day we met. I do not suffer from short term memory loss. I know that you're in a band and that you just work at the bookstore for fun. But therein lies the problem. It's not fun. I know it, you know it, that guy hiding the porn in Christian Fiction knows it. Also, you're not actually working. You're standing around talking about your band. So, here's my advice. Shut up. Also, put this book where it goes. Oh, and to answer your question, yes, the books are in alphabetical order. No, by author. ...Author. It means the person who wro... you know what? On second thought just stand over there and be quiet.

Keep on Rockin!
amanda

Dear Guy Hiding Porn in the Christian Fiction Section,

Quit it.

thanks-a-million!
The BAM Staff

Dear Heroes,
WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? Why do you keep doing this to me? Can't we have any answers before you present more questions?

Confused, but still full of love,
amanda
PS. Thanks for all the Milo.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

So, wanna know something weird? I write letters in my head to people around me. Mostly at work.

For example:

Dear Over-40-coffee-drinking-guy,
Please stop trying to flirt with me. You're just embarassing us both. More you than me. Just take your coffee, leave me my 15 cent tip and go. You're holding up the line and the woman behind you is a better tipper.

Thanks!
amanda

To the two young women currently holding up the line,
You've been standing in line for a few minutes. You should know by now what you want to drink. The menu board has not changed since you walked in. Please stop staring at it with your mouth hanging open. You should have used your line time wisely.

Sincerely,
amanda

Dear Cassie-Ann's Mom,
I don't know your name, I only know your daughter's name because you spend hours sitting in a chair with your head stuck in manga constantly yelling CASSIE-ANN! without ever actually looking up and/or doing anything about the fact that she's pulled a row of books off the floor and hit another kid. Please at least attempt some parenting instead of leaving it to everyone else.

Yours Truly,
The entire closing shift of Books-a-Million

Dear General Manager of Books-a-Million,

Please ban that demon child Cassie-Ann and her mother.

Thanks-a-million!
the staff and customers of BAM

Dear Chris,

Just. Shut. Up.

Love,
the world

Dear Blog Reader,

Stop laughing at me.

Amanda